Train Wreck

As I wonder why I am the way I am; it reminds me of something. We cannot predict what happens to us, nor can we begin to understand it. We can only sit back as we listen to the story and predict that it turns out like we hope it to. We are like little train conductors ever vigilantly changing the course of the tracks in hopes that we will make it to the destination unharmed. Only I never feel that way, I feel as if I’m the curious kid that puts a quarter on that bend in the track. The one that violently and without warning; derails the train. One minute everything seems adequate as if it could not get any better; then it happens. There is an explosion, of metal scrapping against metal, sparks fly everywhere, and the accumulation of jumbled cars comes to a sliding halt.

        I sit there and subconsciously watch this little kid, myself, put the quarter on the track. I try to stop him, but with no success, it happens. That bastard of a kid gets that damn quarter on the track. As I try to jump out from the shadows of my mind and take it before it is too late, I cannot. Something holds me back, and it seems the kid knows I'm there, and he has a hold of me. The whole time his face has the biggest smirk, one of those grins that say “Ha Ha, your screwed, and you cannot do anything about it” Well, for the time being I cannot.

        As quick as the train crash happens, the emergency personnel arrive on site. They start looking for survivors, pulling anyone out that they find. They offer me warm greetings, glad that I have survived and that they rescued me. I limp over to one of the ambulances; eagerly waiting attention. I have no internal damages, and the only real thing wrong is…my head hurts. That is what I feel like sometimes…okay all the time. My life is a constant train wreck of destructive decisions and wrong turns. I feel like, at some point, I have disappointed someone; this is just my punishment. I have no one to blame; I did put the quarter on my own track. I would like to assume it gets easier, not to sabotage one’s life, to fix it.

        As my train starts on a new track in life, I hope that I can stop that damn kid from putting another quarter on it. I’ll hurt that kid if he does anything else to derail this new train. He might find himself on a set of tracks, tied down; as if he were in one of those silent films. Yeah, I’ll be that guy who kidnaps him and ties him down. Only the kid will not escape, and the train will arrive on time. I’m tired of running from whatever it is. I plan on standing my ground on this next journey through that perpetual tunnel of life. I challenge everyone to do the same. Try not to let your inner kid derail your train.